On Aging Gracefully.
Somewhat recently I’ve noticed that I’m losing a bit of hair. I say somewhat recently because as many of us do with discoveries of this nature, we put off fully accepting them for as long as possible. (In fact, not long ago, I spent several months with bad vision because I wanted to delay getting glasses until after I turned 45.)
I’ve been asking people’s advice about my hair situation, and many tell me to conceal the change for as long as possible until baldness, should it come to that, becomes inevitable. This seemed reasonable enough, but then I came across a study that suggested the opposite might be a better idea. The study showed that men with shaved heads are thought to be more dominant than men of similar stature and looks with full heads of hair. In fact, when people viewed photos of men whose hair had been digitally shaved, they reported that the men were taller, stronger, and more dominant than the unaltered photos where the men had hair. While I don’t think I’m ready to shave my head just yet, I’m sure I wouldn’t mind the extra height, imaginary or not.
The moral of the story is that we should always question prevailing opinion. And maybe it’s best to think of aging as Mark Twain did: “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
One thing is certain though: never, ever attempt a comb-over.
The Honest Truth About Dishonesty: How We Lie to Everyone - Especially Ourselves
Hi Dan. I have recently PURCHASED your book Predictably Irrational. I find your studies riveting. I have also listened to your Arming the Donkey series. Like those too.
I think that you shouldn’t worry about hair loss. It’s all part of getting older. I am a 54 year old woman who has decided to allow my hair to turn grey. I call them my natural high lights. There doesn’t seem to be a plethora of woman who do this. I had observed that many woman who are my age and older dyed there hair. Their male partners all had grey hair. I felt that society still valued older men, they were allowed to turn grey,… Meanwhile women’s currency diminished if they didn’t colour their hair.
Turning grey, is to me, my embracing middle age. I also love my natural highlights.
Have a great day Dan. Thanks for all the interesting reading material.
you are adorable no matter what.
Dear Dan,
My husband and I were at a party when another male who we did not know, made a crack about my husband’s bald head. I turned to him and commented, “Solar panel for a sex machine.” He became speechless. It was great.
And don’t forget Captain Picard! Make it so.
Nancy, that was super smart!
“Comparison is the source of all unhappiness.” Kierkegaard. ps Mentioned you during my Ignite talk last week, when they post the video I will send you the link.
So, if I’m understanding this, why wait until it appears you might be going bald to shave your head? Why bother to read studies justifying embracing something that is going to happen no matter what you do? Just make up a story- in the end, isn’t that the definition of consciousness?- the story we tell ourselves to make the world make sense? That’s kinda out of your playbook about dishonesty, no?
But I’d ask my wife before I shaved my head- she might tell me a story that I’m not interested in hearing…….
I want to congratulate you on your brilliant selection of Simon Jones for the voice of the book, “The Upside of Irrationality”. I assume this is the same Simon Jones who was the the voice of the book in the TV serial “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”. The effect must be especially strong for those using a handheld device. Simon is tops on verbal irony.
hi Dan,
no matter what is the colour of one’s hair or the size of the playground above, what matters is the beauty of the matter inside. i discovered that when a colleague of mine commented recently- ‘your natural grey sprouts are looking graceful than the artificial black, and your natural demeanour is more honest than the plastic smiles’. i took it as a nice compliment:-)
good day
Comb-overs trump something, surely?
No. Comb-overs are the worst.
is that supposed to be: “Comb-overs ‘Trump’ something, surely?”
Some Observations on Aging
Stephen H. Miller MD, MPH
Aging results in a wide spectrum of anatomic and physiological changes which MAY effect daily living as well as competence in activities both physical and mental Amongst the most important are the reductions in dexterity and visio-spatial acuity, short term memory, problem solving, ability to adopt new ideas and to re-examine old ideas. The degree and rate of decrement caused by aging do not occur in a linear fashion and the impact upon the physical and emotional well being, competence and performance is highly variable.
I’d like to see a study on comb-over in relation to self-deception. We ALL know what’s happening and yet they think they are fooling everyone. Do they also deceive themselves in other aspects? If so, are they happier?
There is a middle-aged woman who sells orthotics at the mall in my area who is famous for having a ponytail near her forehead. (Comb forward?) She is somewhat a local legend, there is even a Facebook fan page called “The woman at BCC with the ponytail at the front of head” with hundreds of followers. I recently learned that she has receding hairline and the ponytail is her way of concealing it. I must say that a ponytail in front is a lot worse than thinning hair.
Alas, I have had some reason to think a lot about baldness and comb-overs and shaving, etc.
I basically want to echo what adora says above–but only in part.
Why are comb-overs widely considered unattractive? Well, part of it is a fad and, who knows, maybe one day the comb-over will have a glorious resurrection.
But I think it’s actually the opposite. Why is a comb-over such bad news? Because “you don’t hide an elephant behind a telephone pole.” The longer you grow out your hair, the more obvious its thinness.
I think the comb-over offends people (alas, women) in a very visceral way. They *feel* as if someone is doing a bad job at lying to them. Subconsciously, the detection of the “lie” makes them (subconsciously again) “congratulate” themselves on their perceptiveness. This ultimately expresses itself in disgust at the bald man. All of this takes place at a pre-verbal level of subconscious thought.
/speculation
If “we should always question prevailing opinion”, then someone should research the comb-over. Who knows, maybe it has positive side effects.
Hey Dan,
The comb over is patented, so don’t trash it too much as you might end up with a slander case:)
http://1.usa.gov/SCg0lv
Thanks for citing the research on baldness as my hair is thinning enough for me to know that going bald is inevitable as I’m only 33. My wife says she likes my shaved head when I’ve done it in the past, so I’m fortunate, but am grieving (mildly) about being limited to one hairstyle the rest of my life. My bald friends actually enjoy the simplicity, but I haven’t conceded yet.
The problem with baldness is that it prevents you from getting a wife. Since you’re married, you have no problem.
With regard to Mr. Twain’s position, yeah, but he had a fine full head of hair. Just sayin’…
My knees and other body parts say age matters. And I stopped highlighting my hair and let it be grey-ish in my late 50s. It was too much trouble otherwise. The issue is how we ‘oldsters’ are viewed .. and it’s not nice.
And just in case it crossed you mind, long term use of Rogaine has been associated with persistent ED. Bald is better.
I think this is false. Minoxidil is a vasodilater. Maybe you’re mixing it up with use of Propecia/Finasteride?
for those who mentioned it — I’m completely in agreement with natural hair color — (unless you are ten years old), grey is as handsome as any other color, if not more so.
receding hair lines are really the domain of comb-overs, and it works only for a while but inevitably people will realize the extent of your faux pas.
a growing bald spot is about as repellent as can be, whether on a man or a woman (tonsures went out with medieval monks) — if you have such an affliction, don’t hesitate for a minute, just go ahead and shave it — if it turns out you have a Frankenstein-shaped skull, you can decide to grow it back but if not you will never realize your best looks.
of course, you can argue that appearance and changing your style is superficial / unnecessary / unnatural. however, be mindful what impact your inattentive efforts on personal grooming / hygiene have on your professional peers — being slovenly is on par with habitual drunkenness or smelling like a toilet.
Interesting. I shaved my head once when I broke up with a lover and gained instant appreciation for the insulating quality of hair. I felt every breeze, and I didn’t like it. My mother never went grey, and I’ve got her genes. People seem to think it’s a great accomplishment to grow old without grey hair. But it’s
nothing I’ve done to achieve this. It’s just how my hair is. My
youngest brother began losing his hair in his 20s. He hated combovers, so he kept it VERY short (not shaved entirely). He always looked very nice.
Recently started following you.
“Always question prevailing opinion”. Indeed, I can’t help but do otherwise, and it doesn’t make for a relaxed life. I wouldn’t change it (I couldn’t, I’ve tried) but it’s mighty tiring.
Also because the prevailing opinion changes dramatically depending on where you live, and what circles you frequent, and what you select to read, even in the age of the Internet.
Curious to see if I find a solution here to the contrary (to just accepting some things at face value sometimes) or at least learn to live serenely with the “condition”.
And I’ve had beautiful friends with full heads of hair, but shaved men really, really turn me on (my husband’s one of them). Thinning hair, I must confess, not so much.
I have a friend who said that her grandmother colored her hair until her late 60s and then suddenly decided to let it go natural. The drastic change to grey was rather shocking to her so she decided to let hers go natural when it happened. But she changed her mind when the grey started to come in and colored it. I have thought I would go natural but late greying runs in my family, so I haven’t seen how that would look and I too might change my mind. My husband used some coloring on his hair for a while, but now it is it looks much better since he gave that up. I think we all individually should to deal with our aging appearance as we feel most comfortable with. Sometimes we change the way we think about that appearance more when we see how our peers deal with it. I won’t say my wrinkles look good and up to now I haven’t any plan to soften them through cosmetic means. Besides, I worked hard for them and they remind me that behind each one is a treasure trove of experiences.
Dan, you should do what makes you most comfortable with yourself…. Your fans, friends and family will expect at least that from you!
My opinion is that bald men are “HELLA SEXY!!!!!!!!” Comb-overs are wimpy and delusional … I mean hello! … nothing worse than “streaks for baldness peeking through four inches of hair! Like I said in a blog post … Age is in the mind …. I’ve been 12 years old for the last 36 years.
Maybe, just maybe, fear of getting old is strongly related to:
1. Fear of loss (the one aspect discussed in your first book, predictably irrational, chapter 3 the cost of zero cost, quote: “…because humans are intrinsically afraid of loss”);
2. Aversion to loss (same book, chapter 7, the high price of ownership, quote: “Our aversion to loss is a strong emotion,…”); similar idea in chapter 8, keeping doors open;
When we are young we are not afraid of getting old because our body does not signal we are losing something, on contrary. When the age take his tall and we became conscious about body losing abilities (less to be signaled out at large like strength, speed, flexibility) or very visible social signals like hair quality and quantity then the fear of loss is just there pushing us to do something. I guess hair like any visible part of our face: eyes, nose, mouth, etc are actively “read” by our human social counterparts every each fraction of second. This is why when compare losing hair (lets say by 15%) over losing body flexibility (on the same 15%) my bet is that we will feel more afraid of loss in the first case. Why? Because hair is easily visible and sends a stronger social signal than losing body flexibility which nevertheless can be detected but is not so visible; for example just think sitting relaxed, for the supper, at the restaurant and by chance your look fly over other guests. Who’ll be the one first noticed? The bald guy at table 6 or the other not so athletic guy from table 11?
All women over 65 should be tested for bone density since this is the only way to diagnose osteoporosis. Some doctors recommend baseline bone density scans at menopause and at regular intervals after. Predicting fracture risk and determining rate of bone loss can help in the monitoring and prevention of osteoporosis.
Comb-over definitely leads to walk-over by the ladies!:-)
And Mark Twain’s way of viewing age, is the only way!
Here’s one bald guy’s solution….
http://www.funamillion.com/52/funny-head-tattoos/tattoo-explains-it-all/
Reblogged this on bigpoppa71's Blog.
The perception of bald men being dominant etc. where does it come from? Is it the movies? Where many of the dons of the mafia are portrayed as being bald men. Or is this some sort of compensatory projection of attributes by those who obviously lack testosterone
you can loose your hair without losing your self-respect — don’t go the toupee/monk-cut/comb-over!
very interesting blog, I will continue to pick